Last year, I received an e-mail commenting about one of my articles. Growing up in Vancouver, she stated her parents were “cold” and never showed affection. In fact, they called her names and put her down almost daily. Her only respite was when they were asleep.
In her letter, she stated, “Dr. Rayel, they always told me I’d never amount to anything, that I was useless. Now at age 60, everything they told me came true. Now, I’m unemployed, divorced three times, and no money.”
I sincerely feel bad when people tell me sad, unfortunate stories like this. I’ve seen many people turning out to be what they were told many years ago. A middle-age man, for instance, who has a high IQ couldn’t finish high school and could hardly keep a job. You know why? As early as age three, his parents had repeatedly told him that he was “retarded” and ‘no good.” Although he was smart, he believed them. Gradually and surely, he began living their words.
Words have so much power. In fact, the Bible says the word can become flesh. Whatever you say or think constantly becomes real. You breathe life into words, especially when you nurture them with frequency. It’s almost predictable. Whatever comes out of your mouth will simply mirror who you are.
I don’t want to sound like a preacher because I’m not. Just allow me to share a piece of my fatherly instinct. To all parents out there, please do what’s best for your children. It doesn’t cost any money or even effort to lift up your kids. Praise them, appreciate their efforts, and shower them with love. Please don’t put them down or call them names.
Instead, give hugs and kisses as often as the morning dew.
Many high achievers started with nearly nothing. But they have love and respect at home. Their parents lift them up rather than put them down. Such warm nurturance has made the difference. In a positive, inspiring environment, anything is possible.
Can you make a difference today?
Another e-mail came from Ontario. She said that she’s stressed because most of her family members and her neighbors want a piece of her. They often ask her to do chores or to run errands. If she says no, they make her feel guilty. She usually gives in and does what they want her to do. Now she’s seriously overwhelmed.
Well, she’s not alone. Many people in our community suffer from the same fate. They always try to please others except themselves. As a result, they develop unimaginable mental anguish.
If you can relate to her story, I suggest one effective strategy. Just say “No.”
Say no if that’s what you want to say, if that’s what you feel, and if that’s the right thing to do. Say no to family members’ unreasonable or excessive requests. Say no to your partner’s abusive behavior, to your boss’ manipulation, to telemarketers who disturb your quiet time with yourself or your family.
Say no to your own hurtful or destructive cravings. Say no to your painful past that still haunts you to this day. Say no to failure and unnecessary fear.
Say no to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. Say no to poor customer service and dishonest merchants.
Say no and don’t feel guilty about it. And say “yes” to all the good things in life.
Indeed, words are powerful — they can make or break you. Use words to your advantage. Words are real. Words become flesh. Choose your words, choose to say no, and choose to live a colorful life.