“There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk.” – Guy Gavriel Kay
Dear Graduates
You honour me for selecting me as your commencement speaker when you can have a better person than I am. As some of you may have known, I am a homosexual. I hope my revelation won’t be so shocking as to spoil this momentous event in your life. But as I stand before you I like to believe that you are more tolerant and accepting of my kind, which is now culturally labeled as the LGBTQ community. I find the courage to come out of the closet because the fear of our supposed abnormality is now being challenged and argued against as “morally” repugnant, abusive and unjust.
This moment, though, is not only about me. Here we all are, having accomplished the academic excellence which will propel us to another phase in our lives; that more or less will define the paths of our careers. Each path may turn into a success or a failure. But right now, we have to celebrate, for we may not have these many people around to witness our accomplishments!
Some of you may already have determined what your future will be. But a few are still uncertain what to do. As Suleika Jaouad, the author of Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of Life Interrupted, once said: “There is no atlas charting that lonely, moonless stretch of highway between where you start and who you become.”
That’s precisely my predicament. I’m one of those whose path is not so clear-cut. In my mind I have three possible paths in light of my being a gay person. So I ask for your forbearance while I go through each one as my way of helping and inspiring you to carve your own destiny.
Path 1 – Become a priest
They say priesthood is a calling or a vocation. But what does that actually mean? Well, referring to Wikipedia as always, “it is an occupation to which a person is especially drawn or for which they are suited, trained or qualified.” That is a secular definition. But on religious term, it has an immense divine connection where only few who find pure love in God’s way will be selected. There’s great sacrifice and full commitment involved. This is not an easy matter, especially if one must forgo sex and be celibate forever. But aside from that, there are enormous obligations that a priest carries on his shoulders in order to sustain and keep the thought of God in the hearts and minds of his congregants. Not only will a priest be a model of good behaviour and purveyor of moral truths, but he is expected to be a great healer of mental and physical illnesses, a counsellor for societal diseases mired by poverty and corruption, and a dispenser of divine mercy to forgive sins.
Lately, though, the reputation of priesthood has been diminished. Even in a place of divine protection, evil has found a way to crack its wall. In a report, released by the Vatican in November 2020, revealed multiple allegations of sexual misconducts and deviancies against Theodore McCarrick, the former Cardinal Archbishop of Washington. What’s bothersome about the report was that McCarrick almost got away with his sexual crimes. The late Pope John Paul II believed in McCarrick’s full innocence and appointed him Archbishop of Washington in November 2000 and held the title until his retirement in 2006. When the priestly sexual-abuse scandal in Boston broke open in 2002, McCarrick’s crimes came to light but not until 2018.
Because of my homosexuality, will I still fit in, knowing full well that my being gay is a cause of blemish for the failure of the Church’s leadership to exercise moral leadership?
Path 2 – Marry and have a family
One good thing about this present period of our modern history is that same-sex marriage is now legal and acceptable in some countries in the world. It was first granted in the Netherlands on 1 April 2001 and as of 2021, it is legally performed and recognized in 29 countries, including Canada. Years from now I am hopeful that the entire world will find complete enlightenment in this issue.
But what is marriage without a family. For me they go hand in hand, forever connected, not only as couples but parents to their children as well. There are scientific studies that show the financial, psychological, and physical benefits of marriage and having a family to gay people. Sexual orientation is found not to be a choice but is natural and normal. Opposition to same-sex marriage is nothing but a form of discrimination. Gay people render and enhance citizenship as good as heterosexuals. There’s no cause to disallow their basic human rights. And because they are as loving as anybody else, they provide support and stability to their children who will grow up safe, normal and natural. There was also a study done in the United States from January 1999 to December 2015 that showed a significant correlation in the reduction of attempted suicide among children of a minority sexual orientation and the establishment of same-sex marriage.
I feel encouraged with this path. Then the old, sinister anvil comes down hard once again…
On March 15, 2021, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the Vatican office that defines and articulates the Catholic Church teaching, announced that the Church could not bless same-sex unions. The explanation remains the same as before. Marriage is only between a man and a woman. Beyond this definition, the relationship is a sin. Therefore, the Church cannot bless sin.
What a setback for the Catholic Church to remain obstinate and clingy to a homophobic doctrine even though their ranks are full of them. Why is God’s love being limited and discriminatory?
Path 3 – Stay single
It’s been my natural inclination to be alone. So if I chose this path, it’s not really a disaster, personality wise. What’s good about this is the enormous freedom it will bring me. I can be selfish as to only look after my needs. I can pursue whatever passions move me or wherever they can be found. The consequences of my actions will only affect me.
But we all know that too much freedom is not a good thing. Besides, we are born to be social – that’s how our society was formed. All of us need one another in order to survive. We rely on co-operation and empathy to make things livable; for our basic needs to be sustained. We have been trying to correct some of the injustices of the varying circumstances we suffer; including the ones we don’t have control, such as being born poor. That’s why in the modern era we now have a welfare state that takes care of the fragile and vulnerable among us.
Our lives can feel empty without the cause of serving others. So I’m quite impressed with the works done by Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders) who are active in 70 countries to date. These doctors are true examples of how goodness can prevail and how their dedication be emulated.
In his book, The Needs of Strangers: An Essay on Privacy, Solidarity, and the Politics of Being Human (1984), Michael Ignatieff wrote: “Need is a vernacular of justification, specifying the claims of necessity that those who lack may rightfully address to those who have. Without a language of need, and the language of right that derives from it, the human world would scarcely be human: between powerful and powerless only the law of hammer and anvil, master and slave would rule. The pathos of need, like the pathos of all purely verbal claims to the justice or mercy of another, is that need is powerless to enforce its right. It justifies an entitlement only if the powerful understand themselves to be obliged by it.”
As I read the book again and again, I can’t help feeling humanized; to think of serving the needs of strangers; to dedicate whatever talent and skill I may have for the benefit of others; to lift up the poor conditions of the voiceless and powerless; to obligate myself of doing thankless projects but meaningful to those who have nothing.
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As we move forward to our next journey in life, be assured that your hurdles will not be as difficult as mine. You don’t have to fight against intolerance, narrow-mindedness, marginalism, discrimination, and righteous indignation. You’re free to discover your destiny without the encumbrances of being considered abnormal and a sinful human being.
But remember that success is not only defined by power, wealth or fame. You may have achieved any or all of these, but within you there will still be emptiness. Look to share your good blessings to those in need to spice your life with meaningful joy.
So my dear graduates. Go and conquer the world. May the forces of goodness, open-mindedness and human decency be with you always as you embark upon a new journey to achieve all of your dreams!
9 June 2021