Shake, Rattle, Roll

Napag-usapan lang po:
Impong Tasyo: “What’s your take on the San Andreas Fault?”
Lolo Bastian: “He should apologize.”
Tiyo Pacing: “Say, what?”
Lolo Bastian: “And promise not to do it again.”
Tandang Imo: “Excuse me, I’m sorry.”
Lolo Bastian: “Not you. San Andreas!”
Kabesang Betong: “Kawawang San Andreas. Napagbintangan na naman.”
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Sa tutuo lang, ito naman kasing si Tata Mulong, isiningit pa sa usapan ang mga strong earthquakes that shook southern California (6.5 magnitude on July 4 and 7.1 magnitude on July 5) and Mindanao, Philippines (magnitude 5.6 on July 9).
Idinagdag pa ni Tata Mulong ang mga earthquakes that rattled Ternate City, North Maluku, Indonesia (6.9 magnitude on July 7) and Haftkel, Khuzestan, Iran (5.9 magnitude on July 8).
Hindi ko maarok kung paano nasingit sa diskurso ang mga earthquake; eh, ang topic of conversation namin that time was how we had much fun in the ‘70s, when we danced the night away with our dates to disco’s “yugyugan.”
Naku naman! Kapag ganyan ang takbo ng usapan sa umpukan, I’d rather retreat home and take care of the grandkids. At least, although embarrassed by my moves, pilit pa rin akong tinuturuan ng “The Floss.”
Palagay ninyo, is this San Andreas’ fault?
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By the way, San Andreas is the Greek and/or archaic Spanish name of Saint Andrew the Apostle.
Christian history has always emphasized that he is the brother of Simon Peter, the first Bishop of Rome and “the Rock on which the Church (Roman Catholicism) will be built.”
Just a thought: Haven’t we — of Filipino roots — been once told that Simon Peter (St. Peter) is the rooster-bearing guardian of Heaven’s Gates?
Now, tell me. What is your take about San Andreas Fault? Hala ka!
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Malamang itong si Lolo Bastian, kapag humarap kay San Pedro, aapela pa.
Eh, he knows naman that the Kalangitan Supreme Court decision is “NO APPEAL,” katulad at kahawig niya.
We are all sorry for Lolo Bastian. “Hindi kayo. Si San Andreas!”
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Whatever, the saddest news of all for sports fans in Toronto and elsewhere in Canada is the departure of KD from the roster of great players of the Raptors.
Oh, I mean Kawhi and Danny, not Kevin Durant who I will always rank as one of the greatest basketball players of this generation.
Eniweys, there is electrifying positivism that the Raptors, as a growing and still glowing team, will still see more playoff appearances in the forthcoming seasons.
Chances are there to explore and win; and when another championship trophy is secured, Torontonians and Canadians will never tire of saying “I’m sorry” … but only for a maximum of four times after the finals playoffs.
Finally, it is not San Andreas’ fault.
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Comic book MAD magazine may be flying off the shelves by the end of the year.
Yet, Alfred E. Neuman’s oft-quoted “What Me Worry” catchphrase quietly resonates everywhere.
In Canada, have you heard politicians talk lately? They do not worry. Whether this stance is good or bad, that is another story.
But have you seen how Canadian geese act? They also do not worry.
Geese never worry about paying skyrocketing rents and unaffordable mortgages or looking for homes for their aged who have been asked to vacate a place where they expected to finally be their resting abode.
To keep fit, they feed on manna that seem to shower from the heavens, without swapping a card or spending pieces of metal and paper printed with faces they never saw or knew. Lake and stream water abound for them and their fellows and co-specie to drink and to bathe from.
They enjoy humid arid summers as they lay comfortably and contentedly under the shade of trees, or cavort nonchalantly on cool pools amid decaying pine cones and yellowing maple leaves.
Canadian geese care less about layers of branded rags to shield themselves from harsh winters. All they do is fly out in V group trips, covering distances without paying bus, train or plane fares or worrying about long and tiring drives and unpredictable gas prices or waiting in queue for a southern visa.
Really, these geese!
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Strict laws have been enacted to protect geese as they wobble around unmolested, left to their festive and sometimes pestering whims and caprices.
They do not have to work eight to ten hours daily to earn their daily bread. They will never know the meaning of stress nor will they understand the implications of being in a cuckoo’s nest.
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Former co-worker and Polish friend Henry once exclaimed “How fortunate those geese are!” as we sat on a front lawn bench, watching a flock of geese half-flying and half-running on a nearby grassy patch.
It was one of those wacky days of yore when not even environmentalists could extrapolate if it was either late spring or early fall. The weather guys blamed the I-don’t-understand situation on a widening hole in the ozone layer.
Whatever, the geese were enjoying every bit of it, and we were there watching them getting the ‘better part’ of what the homo sapiens term as ‘life.’
Makes sense! That is, Henry’s observation about geese not having to shed a single loonie to feel and live the comforts brought about by a lucky lotto ticket.
But I do not envy them. Geese can only be what God created them to be – plain and simple birds.
I am not being animalist, as in racist, here but I do insist that man is still the highest form of animal, superior to all of God’s other living creations. Believe you me, that is what the all the science and biology books say.
Of course, I still harbor a lot doubts. When I get the notion and motion, I visit the Toronto Zoo and inquire from my Darwinian kin. Who knows? Tarzan may not be fiction after all.
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Seeking a plain truth reply: Does a goose have webbed feet because it is unable to count five toes?
Man can do algebraic, geometric and trigonometric calculations and can easily learn English as a second language (and avoid being teased that he is quacking like geese when he speaks in his own language) because he has God-bestowed intellect.
In the digital and laser age, man is using his and others’ brains and brawns to its fullest potential. When he does so at his own free will, there is no limit to what he can achieve.
Creepy, but man may be able to complete the biblical Tower of Babel one of these days and send God scouting for a holy man named Noah. If a holy man is unavailable, He can simply raise His hand and unleash the Apocalypse.
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Sadly, human history has never been that promising.
Instead of building bridges and narrowing gaps, men have put up walls, barb wire fences and imaginary demarcation lines and borders.
While science can be used as tools of mass construction to improve the quality of life of peoples, some men still find delight in rhetoric that threaten to wipe out populations with weapons of mass destruction and war.
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Global unity in diversity remains just a compilation of big words and so is the concept of multi-culturalism. Walking the talk and collective responsible action are lacking.
It is definitely disappointing to see life being downgraded to three things: power, money and sex.
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Of course, geese cannot do this!
They care less for renown or infamy, wealth or destitution, power or weakness.
Are these “bird brains” missing a lot?
Oh, no! Oh, no! Please, Lolo Bastian. We are done here! #####