Huwag kang sasagot!”
Answering back elders is a sign of disrespect. No matter whether the elder is right or wrong.
Respect for elders is a tradition deep in Filipino culture. Younger generations are expected to kiss the hand of parents, grandparents, uncles or aunts as sign of respect.
The Filipino language (Tagalog) contains expressions of respect like “po or opo”. When addressing a stranger the pronouns in the third person are used. You do not say “Sino ka?” the right expression is, “Sino po sila?”
In the family, expressions show hierarchy. We call the eldest “Ate or Kuya”, the next ones “Ditce or Manong”. The younger ones are expected to respect the older ones. They do not fight or question decisions of older siblings especially when the parents are dead.
There is also the old tradition of respect for women. The male is expected to hold the door and let the women pass first. The chair is pulled back for the woman to sit.
There are some who claim that our traditions of respect are remnants of subjugation to colonists in our country. We were expected to kiss the hands of friars during the colonial period in our history.
Sometimes respect is a gesture of awe or probably fear. We do not answer back or seldom reason out to our superiors at work for fear of losing our jobs.
There appears an inherent respect for authority. You are expected to respect the police even if they sometimes abuse their power. There is an expression often heard: “You may not respect the person but respect his position”. Some of the Filipinos who sought new homes outside the Philippines, especially the older generations have brought these traditions of respect for them and practice them in foreign lands.
These was especially true during the early years of group immigration. Little by little recognition of the rights of younger generation has been taking place. Making children reason out as a means of developing self-confidence and independence is now accepted in most Filipino homes. I recall that even in our schools in the Philippines, we expected the students not to answer back as a sign of respect.
This practice has resulted in longer dependence of offsprings. It is not uncommon in the Philippines to find married children living with their parents in the paternal home. Of course the main reason is financial. The younger generations cannot afford to buy their own homes.
In the rural areas, the older generations usually own the land that is being tilled and the home where the family resides. There is no privacy among members of the family who sleep together like sardines in a can at night.
The younger generation expects to inherit the property when the parents pass away. Respect is expected from the children and grandchildren. There is the threat: “Hindi kita pamamanahan!” All decisions in the household have to be made or approved by the older generation. These are traditions dictated by the agricultural culture of the place.
I was brought up in that culture. I never answered back my parents to the day they died. But I had more opportunities in making self-decisions because I worked outside the jurisdiction of my family. I did not depend on my parents for subsistence from an early age. But I lived in the paternal home until I left for abroad.
Respect for elders is deeply ingrained in me although I do not subscribe to some practices like kissing the hand. I approve of the practice of allowing the children to reason out. Children also deserve some respect and many times I find them very refreshing and reasonable.
Respect begets respect. While children are allowed to reason out they should be taught how to do it respectfully. Using four-letter words, screaming and gestures of violence are not acceptable. Children must be taught to respect the line of right and wrong. If we expect the children to respect us, we should be models of right behaviour. Young children are very good imitators. Observe them and you will notice how they behave or speak like you, their parents.
Most people in power often demonstrate in body language as well as in speech that they control the situation. They get respect from fear of the subordinates such behaviour is a sign of lack of inner confidence and insecurity.
In this era of modern technology, we find young people in their twenties and early thirties in the helm of business and wealth. These are not the offsprings who seek parental advice. They make the decisions and plot their future. They deserve our respect and admiration. But they still owe their parents respect and considerations.
We come across people who would not give us the opportunity to express our views. They cut us when we talk to express their own views sometimes sarcastic and belittling. This is gross disrespect, not superiority.
Conversation is a group activity, two or more people. We come across people who dominate the activity unseemingly aware that others also have points of views to express. They keep on talking without regard for other members of the group. They do not listen to what others have to say. This is a form of lack of respect.
The ongoing turmoil in the world is a very good example of lack of respect of nations with one another. There is only one thing that matters: power. This international debacle will never end unless mutual respect for the rights of each nation is recognized and honoured. ****
