I was browsing the web and I stumbled upon an interesting article on fatherhood. Author of relationship articles, Ken Solin wrote,”90% of being a successful father is showing up.” So true. Indeed so many fathers don’t show up when necessary. Some even disappear.
And those who are always around, don’t really show up in the real sense of the word. They’re just there doing nothing, as if under a spell. Unaware of the situation. Or sometimes through their bad habits, they make matters worse.
Parenting is not just a minor act that we have to play simply because we have children. Parenting is a way of life and requires a huge commitment; it is showing up 110% of the time.
Showing up is when . . . you put your children’s interest above yours. I can’t understand why some people get drunk, smoke like a chimney, or abuse street drugs when they can hardly put food in the table. I feel bad that some children starve because of their parents’ tragic choices. Your children’s needs should be prioritized. Parenting is not like a hobby that you can forget once in a while. It is a lifetime responsibility.
Showing up is when . . . you set household rules. Without rules, chaos will reign. Guaranteed. Just imagine a household with children who can do anything they want, without any form of control. Set guidelines and boundaries. Be firm and never be swayed by tantrums or veiled threats. Starting at a young age, children should follow basic rules and know the value and benefit of having one.
Showing up is when . . . you give advice when the situation calls for it. The best time to give correct counsel is when your children’s brains are still flexible and teachable. Your advice should grow and develop with them. So when they become adults, they should automatically distinguish right from wrong. And in difficult situations, they should clearly know what direction to take.
Showing up is when . . . you provide discipline to straighten your children’s path. Tough love should be the rule rather than the exception. I know. Many parents feel uncomfortable to say “No” to their children. But saying “No” or “Stop” is vital for your children to evolve as responsible citizens. Impose limitations now while they’re still young. Through discipline, they should learn that every bad behavior and poor choices have consequences.
Showing up is when . . . you provide the right opportunity and environment so your child can develop and thrive. Prioritize education, in and out of school. Let them join clubs or sports activities. Make essential and special training available. For instance, enroll them in summer camps where they can learn new skills. Through uplifting, inspiring books or educational CDs, expose them to exciting ideas and innovative learning.
Showing up is when . . . you encourage your children’s critical thinking under various circumstances. Through this method, you help them how to think independently, and how to absorb and digest facts critically. During my conversation with my kids, I’m often amazed how they can come up with good, creative and yet uncommon ideas. Give them the opportunity to think and they can deliver better ideas.
Showing up is when . . . you teach your children to respect themselves and those people around them. To navigate life’s journey successfully, they need to love themselves first before they can love others. With respect and love, your children can enjoy the roller coaster ride of life. As well, they can face courageously the many challenges that will confront them along the way.
Showing up is when . . . you acknowledge your parenting weaknesses and mistakes and learn from them. Surely, all parents (including yours truly) have committed both minor and major blunders in raising children. I admit, this is the sad part of what we do daily. But we’re just humans, subject to common frailties and inadequacies. The challenge for us is how to do better each time and how we can right the wrongs.
As we continue our adventure as parents, I encourage everyone to show up for our children all the time. Remember, parenting requires profound commitment. Positive parenting is a lifetime cause and a noble mission.
