I was in a restaurant two days ago; Next to our table was a young family, a couple with three children. The eldest child was about six, the second, maybe three and the youngest, a six month infant. It was a buffet and the mother left the table with the two older children to get food. The father was left, feeding the baby.
I thought it was very interesting. He did not hold the baby as most mothers would, lying on the lap while holding the bottle to the baby’s mouth or against the breast, in some cases. This father was holding the baby sitting on his thigh with the head upright supported by the father’s one hand while the other holds the bottle. The father seemed to be very comfortable in what he was doing as if it was a common everyday chore that he does. Did he receive some training in doing it?
I have not seen very many fathers feeding their babies. I consider feeding babies as a mother’s job. I guess I am not up to date with recent practices. May of the household tasks that were considered a woman’s job (in the Philippines before I came to Canada) is now shared by partners. If the man comes home earlier than the woman he is expected to do the preparation of dinner. He is also expected to do laundry if he has the time. I have been away from the Philippines for almost four decades and I am not sure if the practices of considering certain tasks as just for women and others just for men have already changed. I imagine that such traditions still continue in the rural areas.
I remember that men seldom touched laundry in the Philippines. That was considered a woman’s task. “Ano ka, under the saya? You would hear men say to fellow men doing this household task.
Feeding the baby! This is definitely a woman’s job. Up to the present time in court cases where there is a contest for child custody, it is presumed that the mother has greater chances of winning. It has been a presumption in most cultures that mothers are more nurturing than fathers. A man has to prove that the mother is incapable of taking care of the children in order to gain full custody of the children.
Recently with the great number of divorces and joint custody decisions, the idea of educating fathers for parenting has risen. There has been concern on what a father would do if he has the children with him overnight or on holidays. Is it enough to take the children in a hamburger place and rent a film to entertain them? How about bonding? How about finding out what the children think regarding the arrangements? What if the children have problems? Would fathers know how to talk with the children to make them open up? Would fathers know the changes taking place in their children as they develop?
In the normal set up wherein there is a father and a mother in a family, there could still be problems in raising the children if the partners do not fully agree on their responsibilities in child upbringing. A usual source of conflict is when the partners contradict each other on how to discipline the children.
The father and mother should discuss issues of discipline between themselves and firmly agree on how to implement them.
I know of many fathers who give baths to their children and put them to bed, reading a book to them. Quite a number of prospective fathers attend courses before the babies are born, learning how to change diapers and making babies burp.
With the increasing numbers of problems that young people now meet, the role of the father in upbringing has increased. Can they determine if their sons and daughters are starting to take alcohol or drugs? Can they give them some warnings to prevent sexual abuse? Would their children confide in them if someone is trying to violate their bodies?
Sex education is taught in schools at a very early age. Some parents think this is good to make the children well-informed about the dangers in involving in sex at an early age. “Others are afraid that sex education might make the off-springs interested in trying to experience a relationship. Both fathers and mothers can cooperate in helping their children avoid the consequences of early sex.
Child upbringing becomes more difficult in broken homes. In many cases, children are bitter and blame either or both parents for the break-up, especially if the parents blame and put down each other in trying to get the favour of the children. The situation often gets worse when each partner acquires another interest. Both father and mother must have parenting skills to prevent their children from being estranged from them and becoming wayward.
At present, it is a fact that there are more couples living together without getting married. When they beget children, do they both assume the same responsibilities as married parents? How do children of such unions regard their parents? Do they bond with them as children of married couples do? Do most unmarried couples stick together than married ones? Are the issues of parenting in both married and unmarried couples the same?
These are some issues that should be discussed in both parenting education for fathers and mothers.
