“But Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man/ That he didn’t, didn’t already have” – Lyrics from Tin Man by America.
“A shy man no doubt dreads the notice of strangers, but can hardly be said to be afraid of them. He may be as bold as a hero in battle, and yet have no self-confidence about trifles in the presence of strangers.” – Charles Darwin.
We all may be familiar with the musical fantasy film The Wizard of Oz. When a tornado lifts the farmhouse where Dorothy is sheltering and drops her in a magical land, it starts a singing adventure that only Hollywood can fantastically imagine. To go back home to Kansas, Dorothy is directed to follow the yellow brick road that leads to the Emerald City where the powerful Oz resides. On the way, Dorothy meets the Scarecrow who craves a brain, the Tin Man who desires a heart and the Cowardly Lion who wants courage. The powerful Oz turns out to be just an ordinary person. To make up for this awkward revelation, Oz offers to take Dorothy back to Kansas with him aboard his hot air balloon and grants Dorothy’s three friends their wishes in the form of tokens while reminding them they always have the qualities they are seeking in their whole lives.
When I was young, I suffered a tremendous feat of shyness and introvertness, especially when our rich relatives from my mother side paid us a visit to our hometown. I hid myself in my room and never bothered to meet them and say hello. It continued in my school days that left me tongue-tied and nervous to participate in any class discussions. Once in a while, though, I mustered enough courage to speak up in order to be recognized by the teachers or the professors. After all I still needed to pass my classes and graduate.
This personality flaw, if I may call it that way, gave me difficulties in life as well as getting promoted in the workplace. I took several seminars in public speaking and management leadership to boost my profile. The public speaking courses, including Toastmaster and Christopher Leadership, were nerve-racking and brutal. I completed them all yet I never became a polished communicator nor did I get the opportunity to move up the upper echelon of the corporate ladder.
As I have more time to read, I get hold of two books from the library with the same author whose main subject is the power of introverts. I wonder if that is true. We all know that great things always bless those who dare and are extroverted. If we were given a choice at birth, I believe we would all opt to be an extrovert. Be that as it may, the arguments of these two books will not be of benefit to me now. Rather, they may provide a positive outlook for the introverts just on the cusp of life. Allow me, therefore, to give you a glimpse of what they say and in return, I, too, may still learn.
The Extrovert Ideal. That’s how Susan Cain starts off in her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (2012). Right off the bat, Cain describes the ascendancy of Dale Carnegie, the famous author of the enduring book, How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), from a farmboy to a public-speaking icon. Followed by the charismatic salesmanship of Tony Robbins and his program, Unleash the Power Within (UPW), and for a cost of $895 one can learn to be more energetic, gain momentum in life and conquer fears. Last but not least is the quintessential Harvard Business School whose “grads likely have influenced your life in ways you’re not aware of. They have decided who should go to war and when; they have resolved the fate of Detroit’s auto industry; they play leading roles in just about every crisis to shake Wall Street, Main Street, and Pennsylvania Avenue. If you work in corporate America, there’s a good chance that Harvard Business School grads have shaped your everyday life, too, weighing in on how much privacy you need in your workplace, how many team building sessions you need to attend per year, and whether creativity is best achieved through brainstorming or solitude.” All these three examples contribute immensely to the myth of The Extrovert Ideal (and make tons of money in the process). So to remain who you are, to be an introvert, how can you compete and succeed?
Apparently, we have so many introverted people who made the cut as movers and shakers. Cain reminds us of the story of Rosa Parks, an unassuming and quiet lady, who refuses to move from a front seat of a bus to the back designated for the black people. Her action sparks the Civil Rights Movement and eliminates the bus segregation in the United States. Another introvert Cain alludes to is Moses who stutters, very timid and inarticulate but ends up leading his people out of slavery from Egypt and bringing down the Ten Commandments which many millions of people, even in this modern era, adhere to reverently. Then there is Adam McHugh whom Cain describes as “an avowed introvert.” McHugh is an evangelical pastor of the Saddleback Church which requires “the priest must be …an extrovert who enthusiastically engages members and newcomers, a team player.” Clearly, McHugh doesn’t fit but works diligently so that the evangelical churches can be more inclusive of the introverted members of the community and writes a book entitled Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture. There are more introverts that Cain names in passing to make her point like Charles Schwab, Bill Gates, Brenda Barnes, and James Copeland in the business world, and a much a longer story about Stephen Wozniak, the co-founder of the Apple Computer. We can extend our list to include Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Mahatma Gandhi, Marie Curie, Patrick White, Arthur Boyd, Kafka, Theodor Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss), and on and on. Point taken and we are assured there is indeed the Power of the Quiet.
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If you are a parent with a shy kid, the next book by Susan Cain can be a great source of insights in steering your introverted child away from feeling left out, or there is something wrong with them, and towards a more normal upbringing. The author herself is an introvert and she describes her experiences growing up and how she overcomes her shyness. In Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts (2016), she writes: “As time went on, I realized that my quiet approach to life had been a great power all along. It was a tool that I’d just needed to learn how to use. I looked around and saw that many of the great contributions to the world – from the Apple computer to the Cat in the Hat – had been made by introverts because of, not in spite of, their quiet temperaments…Soon I was doing things that seemed impossible when I was younger. When I was in middle school, for example, I was terrified of public speaking…Now, as an advocate for introverted people, I appear on screens all over the world and deliver lectures in front of thousands of people. I gave a TED Talk about introversion that became one of the most watched TED Talks of all time, with many millions of views.”
Cain amazingly uses the anecdotal approach in setting up the four settings an introverted child will encounter while growing up: school, socializing, hobbies, and home. In each chapter, Cain ends it up with tips and solutions. For example, being quiet in the classroom for fear of speaking up, Cain recommends the following:
- Strike Early: If you know to topic of discussion beforehand, plan out what you’re going to say. Develop an opinion or idea, and contribute before the discussion rambles off in an unexpected direction.
- Identify Your Best Entry Point: That is, when you are most comfortable pitching in. Develop a strategy for joining the discussion in the way that’s easiest for you. Instead of being the first to speak, maybe you prefer building on or adding to another student’s comment. Maybe you like to be the person who asks thoughtful questions, or to play the devil’s advocate. Choose a role that feels natural to you.
- Use Notes: If you’re worried about freezing up while speaking, jot down your ideas on a piece of paper so that you can refer to them if needed.
- Follow Up: If you had a point to make, but couldn’t summon the courage to raise your hand, e-mail your teacher after class, so that she or he knows you’re paying attention and are curious.
- Observe Your Classmates: Notice all the times when other people make nonsensical comments, or say something that’s just plain wrong, and no one minds. Develop a warm and forgiving attitude about other people’s mistakes, and thus about your own. You’ll come to realize that nothing terrible will happen if your answer is wrong or your voice quivers slightly. “If your answer is incorrect, the teacher will simply move on to the next person,” says one wise teen named Annie.
- Motivate: The best way to master school life is to find your personal sources of passion. Think about what goal is important to you. The more you care about a topic, the more comfortable you’ll feel speaking about it.
“Being introverted,” Cain writes, “is not something to outgrow; it is something to accept and grow into – and even to cherish. The more you notice how special your introverted qualities are – and how some of the things you like best about yourself are probably connected to your introverted nature – the more your confidence will flourish and spread to other areas of your life.”
Just as Oz reminds the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion, you always have the qualities you need in order to live your life – and a possibly good life as well.
22 June 2023
