BY TONY ANTONIO
Filipino-American stand-up comedian Jo Koy has been criticized for his not-so-funny jokes when he was the host of the recent Globe Awards in Hollywood.
His jokes were described as “flat” or drawing “icy reception.”
I watched the Golden Globe awards, and I, too, did not laugh or even chuckle at Koy’s opening monologue. There was simply no knockout punchline.
Jo Koy could learn a thing or two from former President Joseph “Erap” Estrada who is better remembered for his one liners than his record as Philippine president. Mention Erap in conversations with fellow Filipinos and almost instantly they recall his jokes.
His most well known joke: He and Jinggoy (his son) had dinner at a swanky restaurant. When he was given the bill, he complained: Why is it so expensive? Jinggoy told him it is because of the ambience of the place. In a wry tone, Erap quipped, “hindi ako nag-order ng ambience.”
Here are other Erap jokes (compiled from various sources):
Erap to MNLF (Moro National Liberation Front): Sumuko na kayo!
MNLF: Susuko kami kung maispel mo ang CEASEFIRE.
ERAP: Em…? Tuloy na lang ang giyera.
Erap was asked by a grade schooler to test his English ability.
Kid: Use Deduct, Defense, Detail and Defeat in a sentence.
Erap: Hmmm… DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, DEFEAT first then DETAIL!
While in New York, Erap accidentally bumped a man and he (Erap) tripped.
Man: Hey, watch where you’re goin’, you MADAFAKA!
Erap: Eh, ta-tanga tanga ka pala. MADAFAKA RIN SANA!
While in a friend’s wake, Erap told Jinggoy, “Tara na. Mauna na tayo.”
Jinggoy: Dad, kararating lang natin. Ba’t gusto mo na umuwi?
Erap: Hindi mo ba nakikita yung sign, “REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED!” Alis na tayo!
Q: Why does Erap take off his clothes whenever he takes exams?
A: Because the test says, “ANSWER IN BRIEF!!”
Man 1: Bakit ngumingiti si Erap pag kumikidlat?
Man 2: Bakit?
Man 1: Kasi akala niya, flash yun ng camera!
Erap calls the Beeper operator.
Beeper operator: Beeper 150, message please.
Erap: Jinggoy, you left your beeper with me.
Erap in a hospital.
Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone.
Doctor: Are you CHOKING?
Erap: No, I’m SERIOUS!!
Sa New York uli sa isang restaurant.
American: Waiter! One order of SWISS STEAK and FRENCH FRIES, please.
Erap: Me, too! One order of SWEEPSTAKES and FIRST PRIZE.
Sa eroplano. Erap: ‘Pag ako nagtapon ng 100 pesos, 100 tao ang sasaya.
Jinggoy: Ako, pag nagtapon ng 1,000 pesos, 1,000 tao ang sasaya.
FVR (Fidel V. Ramos): Ako, kapag itinapon ko kayong dalawa, lahat ng tao sasaya!
Asked what impressed him most after a visit to the Sea World, Erap says: “It’s the first time I’ve seen an octopus up close. I never realized it had so many TESTICLES.”
Erap (singing): You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out…
Jinggoy: Dad, FOOT yun. FOOT.
Erap: Ah, ganoon ba? Sige. (Sings again) You FOOT your right feet in, you FOOT your right feet out…
Erap while in grade school. Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Erap: 9!
Teacher : Good! Now, what is 4 plus 5?
Erap: Trick question yan! Binaligtad niyo lang. E di 6!!
Erap’s Quotable Quotes:
1. Don’t judge a book because you are not a judge.
2. Birds of the same feather are the same birds.
3. An apple a day is 7 apples a week.
4. Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you mine (pero ‘kaw muna!).
Laugh! Or you’ll be sent to jail! Hahahaha…
Following are some Erap’s Quotable Quotes from the book “Joke ni Erap”:
On June 30, 1999 he was asked to rate his then one-year-old administration, he said, “on a scale of 1 to 10, I’m between 75 and 80.”
Asked if he is willing to kiss and make up with arch critic Manoling Morato, he replied: “Maybe I will be willing to make up, but not kiss.”
On May 23, 1999, critics demanded hat he revamp his Cabinet. “Why should I revamp a Cabinet that has been performing well? I think we should instead revamp those who are making these criticisms.
On June 19, 1999, brushing aside criticisms by the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines that reviving jai-alai would be anti-poor, he said, “Sa aking pananaw, walang masasabi na huhuthutan ang mga mahihirap dito. Kung mahirap ka, e di wala kang pansugal.”
By the way, Erap is now 86 years and still comparatively healthy. He is the longest living former Philippine president. His longevity is proof that laughter is the best medicine.*******
