Did you hear about that woman and her little child who jumped out of a moving car, several days ago? They landed on the road with serious injuries. Fortunately, they were not hit by in passing vehicles. The road was closed for several hours. A criminal investigation was conducted.
I went over the newspapers the next day for further details. I found a brief report about the incident. The police did not reveal the relationships of the woman and the child with the driver.
When I heard about the news on the radio, the first thing that entered my mind was “Oh, My God, another domestic violence.”
About two weeks ago, there was report of a case of murder of a woman in her home. The neighbours commented that the police had been called several times to that same residence because of previous loud altercations. The husband of the woman was arrested for murder.
According to statistics, taken two years ago, about seven hundred people were murdered in Canada in one year. About a quarter of them were women, mostly victims of violence. The Children’s Aid Society is often called to homes where there is domestic violence to insure the safety of the children.
Many crisis centers exist wherein women who are afraid for their safety can call for help. There are shelters where they can run to with their children when the situation becomes extremely unbearable.
Before the 70’s domestic violence was considered a private family matter wherein the law had very little to do unless the situation became extreme when members of the family were seriously hurt or killed. But the situation appeared to have worsened that community organizations especially women groups started to get very concerned and began to lobby the government for action.
Members of the legal profession were made very conscious and alert to domestic violence and women’s rights not only at home but everywhere, especially at the work place. In the beginning, a man was charged with assault if the woman filed a complaint. If the woman refused to file a charge or decided to withdraw a charge previously made, the case was dismissed.
Not anymore! The legal system found that procedure ineffective. The cycle of abuse continued and several women were killed. Now, when the police are called to a home or a scene of violence and they find evidences that abuse has really taken place, the party responsible for the abuse whether man or women, is charged by the police and taken into custody. Out of ten, one to two of those charged were women and the rest, men.
Domestic abuse is a serious concern that affects all members of the community. Let us talk about it.
The number of cases involving domestic violence that have been reported has doubled in recent years but it is believed that many of them have been kept as secrets. There are many reasons why some women would not reveal that they are victims of domestic abuse.
Studies conducted on the subject made through observations and interviews reveal that many women believe that their partners or husbands would eventually change their obnoxious behaviour through their love and care. Others are afraid that if they talk about the abuse with other people their men might become more violent. There are also those women who are completely financially dependent on their partners or husbands that they would not know how to cope if their men leave the homes.
In a country like Canada, where many of the families are immigrants, some women are afraid that separation from their husbands might mean their return to their countries of origin.
If the woman does not speak either English or French, she is afraid that she might not be able to express herself very well to the authorities if she files complaints.
There are also some women who saw and experienced domestic abuse as children. They saw their mothers abused by their fathers and their mothers did not do anything to stop such behaviours. They grew up thinking that it is normal for a man to punish a woman if she does not obey his wishes. Some women also believe that their husbands have a right to discipline them for some actions not deemed proper.
On the other hand, some men who saw their fathers abuse their mothers repeat the same behaviour when they themselves start their own families.
In some cases, parents or in-laws perpetuate the abuse. They counsel the female partner to keep the peace in order to maintain the solidarity of the family. It is a shame that a woman cannot live down if her husband leaves her, the wife is counselled.
In many cases, the woman never says a word about the abuse because of the children. There have been instances wherein children blame their mothers when the family is broken and there is a divorce.
It is important that people from all walks of life understand what domestic abuse is. There is more than just physical assault to abuse. In fact, other forms of abuse are more serious and lasting than physical assault. Bodily injuries will heal but emotional and sexual abuses last longer and may never be forgotten.
Emotional abuse has a wider range of damage not visible to the eyes. It includes blaming, threatening, put-downs, belittling denying, ignoring, negative comparisons, and forms of isolation.
Making the woman the scapegoat for ones failures is a very common form of blaming. “If you did not do this —-then this would not have happened,” is an example of an often repeated form of blaming. The idea is to make the partner feel guilty.
“I did not push her. I was going out and she was blocking the way. This is a form of denial.
Some forms of emotional abuse are made in forms of jokes. “Dati para kang bote ng Coca-cola, ngayon mukha ka nang elepante.”
“Aba, kinulang ba ng tela iyang damit mo?” a husband comments on his wife’s mini-dress.
Some men throw things around the house when they are angry. They break plates, phones or anything that makes a loud noise when thrown as a way of scaring their wives and children. They do not target anybody in the house but they threaten members of what may happen in the future.
“I shall continue discussing forms of abuse in the next issue. Many of us men and women may not be aware that we are a part of this behaviour.)
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