In today’s unbridled consumerism, one is mesmerized to feel special by buying the latest devices, clothes, shoes, bags, watches, fancy cars, and huge houses in upscale neighborhoods. And why not, if one can actually afford it. However, and unfortunately so, many struggle to look like they have what they don’t. Just ask the credit card companies. How people pay only the minimum due because they have spent well beyond their monthly paycheck.
Our need for attention, recognition, respect, and admiration fuels this obsession. This is why many are powerless to resist living beyond their means. Similarly, our lack of self-confidence may be lurking behind this obsession. The feeling of not being “good enough” is probably our dirty little secret. No matter the reason, do we really look classy, well-bred, and well-mannered when we spend conspicuous amount of money to achieve the look that we have arrived? Or do we inadvertently give ourselves away by unwittingly showing the background we seek to hide, or even forget? For instance, the wealthy do not necessarily emit an aura of class if they make social faux pas! Such as cussing and cursing and sticking out the third finger when someone is in our way on the road. The sign that one has arrived by wearing a Rolex watch while being boastful and obnoxiously loud? These actions are telling of who we really are. Where we came from, who raised us, and our social exposure. And what about gossip and slander, sometimes a favorite past time for some? Are those seemingly harmless (napag-uusapan lang naman) preoccupations denote class?
So maybe to match with the disguise that we are bigger than we actually are, one must also learn to be gracious, polite, generous, fair, agreeable, refined, affable, even humble, and objective? This is opposed to being say: unkind, biased, selfish, inconsiderate, malevolent, proud, vengeful, miserly, and even petty? The two are ascribed to being classy versus to being uncouth. Why, that is going to be a major problem, if being classy means also being more humane and self-controlled! Meaning one shouldn’t give in to the baser inclinations of envy, greed, anger, and an inordinately large ego that is quick to ridicule belittle others? A confident person does not have to be arrogant and hurtful.
So, you can defeat the purpose of your overspending if your manner and behavior unwittingly show your true color, that is, you are not yet where you want or hope to be, despite the expense you have racked up doing so! Yes, unfortunately so!
Along with trying to look classy, do you for instance, know some basic social norms and courtesies ascribed to what you want to appear to be? Some can easily be fooled but many can detect the fake from the real. Thus, having class is not simply all about wearing expensive and eye-popping jewelries, driving around in a Mercedes or BMW, living in a mansion, but also how one conducts oneself is the acid test of one who has real, genuine class, which also evokes good breeding, culture, and sensitivity to others. Just as one cannot be considered a gentleman unless one elicits and exudes the quality of one. Otherwise, one is simply a man, despite his designer clothes.
Similarly, a woman can only be considered a lady, only if she has lady-like attributes, such as being able to rise above the muck of pettiness, for one. The late Queen Elizabeth II is a quintessential example of a consummate lady. She does not allow herself to be sullied by the negativity that surrounds her despite being clearly a person of interest. As would anyone in the public eye would have been. How many tussles and scuffles have we witnessed in our lives? Seen it happen in Hollywood, or maybe even in our social circles? By the looks of it, one does not have to be wealthy and be donned in all the “classy” contraptions to be classy. It has all to do with attitude and manners, and a pleasing appearance. How one carries oneself lets the “cat out of the bag” so to speak. The total package speaks volumes!
One dead giveaway is tipping: Do you tip generously and in bills? Or do you leave the change in coins, and that’s it! Etiquette books say, “When tipping, one must always leave bills, no coins please.” Logic? We dignify the server by giving him the bills. Leaving coins denigrate the status of the server, saying you are a nobody and I am going to make you feel it. It is an insult! Ergo, is that class?
What about tattoos, body piercings, and physical alterations? This is a very delicate matter to deal with. Done subtly and tastefully under a very skilled doctor, it can enhance or improve upon something we agonize about. The Korean drama actors and actresses, drives the point. Unfortunately, however, too many famous people have had horrible consequences from wanting to look younger! Many wrong procedures have occurred, many have even inadvertently crossed the pearly gates because of it! Easily these trending interests and obsessions can end in unintended consequences. If one has a humongous B&B (boobs and butt), does that denote class?
As to the manner we dress, it is safe to stay in the classic look, although it may appear boring to the young ones. The trendy look of destructed jeans, large hoop earrings, a copious amount of gold jewelry, and wearing loud prints and colors may attract a second glance, but maybe with a shake of the head too! It can be fun, but it is definitely not classy. That is, if we wish to look polished, dignified, and yes, classy. The young ones who are still looking to find their ground may have the need to attract attention, but it could well call the notice of the undesirables, when one hangs out the goods in full display.
Unfortunately, class is something we cannot buy, despite believing otherwise. A more dramatic overhaul of one’s belief system and personality are needed to become classy. Many poor people are in truth, classier in their attitudes and actions, far more than those who are wealthy, although they not dressed in finery. We mistake the show of wealth to being classy and that is unfortunately not the case. Class means good breeding. That we have arrived at our own self. We have matured, have become uninvolved with pettiness, have detached from slandering, and have become discriminately objective in our views. We know our worth and we do not have the need to make things up to increase our value. We do not have the need to put anybody down to appear downtrodden and undervalued. Our victim card is no longer on the table.
We easily give ourselves away through our mannerisms and attitudes, and yes, unwittingly, and unfortunately! So do be careful about appearing to be classy! Your mouth could give you away!
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NB: Ms. Buenaobra, is a free-lance writer. Whilst in the Philippines,
Ms. Buenaobra worked at the Asian Development Bank (ADB). Now a retiree from the International Monetary Fund (IMF), and she likewise was a professor of Tagalog at the George Washington University in Washington, D.C., USA.