When politics rears its ugly head, a gullible voter gets the tail end of a bad deal.
Did you hear about Juan who died, went to the great beyond and signed in before haloed and white-robed Pete The Rock and red hot abs-baring Mephisto? Just to be clear: There would be no wrestling match and The Undertaker had nothing to do with this tale of a joke.
Juan sized up the two high profile figures, who invited him to see for himself what Hotel Eternal Gardens and Perpetual Beer-B-Q & Weed Inn & Saloon, respectively, and to decide where he desired to stay forever.
He went first with the loud aggressive Mefisto, who bragged of the best out-of-this-world place for expired souls. At the inn and saloon, he saw society’s elite dressed in branded wardrobes. They were sipping champagne and engaged in whispered conversation. Surrounding them was a wide expanse of pomp and luxury, comfort and style. Juan joined them, until Mephisto told him that the visitation time was up and he had to go with Pete The Rock.
Pete, in a calm voice, showed him into the gardens, which was a misnomer because all he saw were winged white beings hovering over white clouds. Playing harps and other antiquated music gadgets, they were intoning hymns of praise to someone called God and King of Kings. Juan thought: “At least, they were melodious and I do not need to wear earplugs. But Juan eventually told Pete The Rock: “This is not for me. I won’t even dream of being here. It’s boring, a nightmare, and sounds very imperialist too. Sorry, Pete, but Sir Mephs’s offer is better. I’d choose the inn and saloon anytime.
So, Juan was escorted back to Mephisto. When the latter opened the gates, Juan saw a vast arid and barren landscape. He noticed that trash, garbage and rotting stuff littered every nook. Thin, moaning and naked expired souls were crawling after worms that could be lunch or dinner. “No, no, no, Mephisto! This was not what I was promised!” Juan yelled.
Mephisto laughed and said: “Juan, a while ago, we were campaigning. Shortly after, you voted.”
As he walked away, Pete The Rock chuckled and said: “Told ‘ya! Choose wisely.”
*****
May 13, 2019 is a red-letter (or red-number or red-whatever) in the Philippines.
It is the glorious day when more than 66 million Filipino voters are expected to head out to more than 300,000 general polling places, to include some 70,000 clustered ones, across the nation.
Rappler news, quoting Manila-based Philippine Commission on Elections spokesperson James Jimenez, reported that in the Philippines alone, some 61.8 million voters are expected to cast their ballots. Overseas, there are 1.8 million voters. New registrants number some 2.5 million.
The nation has a population of some 107 million … and still counting.
Up for grabs are 12 seats in the Senate of the Philippines; 234 district and 57 party-list seats in the House of Representatives of the Philippines; 80 provincial governors and vice governors and 766 board members; 143 city mayors and vice mayors and 1,598 councilors; 1,591 municipal mayors and vice mayors, and 11,932 members of the Sangguniang Bayan; a regional governor, a vice regional governor and 24 Regional Assembly representatives of the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao.
With a Congress-approved budget of some P6 billion, what else could go wrong with the May 13 polls?
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Numbers, numbers, numbers. Oh, God! What was I doing during Math class?
Trigonometry Throwback: In high school, I could never make sense of sine, cosine, tangent, cotangent, secant and cosecant. Mabuti na lang, may lugang itim. “Buddy, it’s logarithm!” Sabi ko na nga ba, may diperensiya ang tenga ko.
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But do you know that despite attracting and earning so much flak, Philippine general elections are really very eye-opening, exciting, and worth the wail … ehe, I mean wait?
Casting aspersion aside, Philippine elections have also evolved into a more dynamic process. O, nandiyan ka na naman. Ang sabi ko dynamic, hindi dynastic.
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Let me share colleague Edwin M.’s Throwback: While I was in the Philippines, I always vote early in the morning, before my brains figure out what I was doing and realize that nothing will come out of it.
Edwin certainly has a healthy cranial ritual for the polls; unlike others who vote and are still figuring out if they had brains. You think so too?
Between me and Edwin, a conversation on Philippine elections is like talking about a typical April Fool’s Day for a brain-fed zombie.
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Once, I wrote about an excerpt from the Broadway musical The Fiddler On The Roof when the Rabbi was asked if there was a proper blessing for the Tsar. The Rabbi replied: A blessing for the Tsar? Of course! May God bless and keep the Tsar … far away from us!
Now, ask Filipinos if there is a proper blessing for their politicians – in the past, in the present, and in the future. Most likely, many skeptical eyebrows will rise and a lot of unbelieving jaws will drop. Then, expect people to shrug pathetically, abruptly turn their backs on and excitedly head for the malls.
Yet, for any and all purposes it may serve, they will still amass at the polling places come May 13. Alam no na, baka sakaling kumita ng pang-window shopping.
Maybe, many Filipino voters will look up, close their eyes, and fervently recite the proper blessing: May God bless and keep decent and honest leaders. The bad ones may be cordially signed, sealed and delivered to Mephisto.
You think so too?
*****
It has been said: A fixed term of so many years is too short for good leaders and representatives; too long for bad ones.
Whatever those who seek a post or a seat looked or acted like when they were on the campaign trail no longer matters after election day.
That which they will do afterwards is etched permanently on the Book of Judgment the electors will never forget … and, in the meanest of terms, forgive.
Que sera, sera (what will be, will be)? No! Never again!
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By the way, the May 13 Philippine general elections coincides with the 102nd anniversary celebration of the Marian apparition experienced by three children – canonized Saints Lúcia dos Santos and her cousins Francisco and Jacinta Marto – who were herding sheep at the Cova da Iria near their home village of Aljustrel in the parish of Fátima, Portugal on May 13, 1917.
St. Lucia, then nine years old, said she saw a woman “brighter than the sun, shedding rays of light clearer and stronger than a crystal goblet filled with the most sparkling water and pierced by the burning rays of the sun.”
The woman wore a white mantle edged with gold and held a rosary in her hand. She asked Sts. Lucia, Francisco and Jacinta to devote themselves to the Holy Trinity and to pray “the Rosary every day, to bring peace to the world and an end to the war.”
May we, at least, pray that Philippine ballot and the Marian celebration will always be kept sacred?
*****
Oh, geez! There is too much sadness these days – all caused by calamities, catastrophes and disasters that kill, maim, displace and destroy.
Think about it. Everything natural has its self-distinct utility in the circle of life and they all work together for good. Has man’s pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth destroyed the divine plan?
Good-natured Impong Simon wrote me a note: The devil’s workshop never closes. Evil never sleeps. Daylight or darkness no longer matters.
Impong Simon continued: Live is a beautiful word. But its palindrome (a word, phrase, or sequence that reads the same backward as forward) is the worst of all. Keep the beautiful, dump the trash.
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Perhaps, just perhaps, the only great thing left for us to be happy about is the fact that whatever happens, life moves on. And, like a wedding vow, until death do us part.
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A friend once said: Fear not to walk the path of life. In so doing, be not afraid to stray into dark alleys and arid trails. Decide which battles to live through and which ones to die for. Wage them and fight them.
Do the right thing. Take a leap of faith.
Help others. Let hope spring eternal.
Make a difference. Spread the love. #####