By: Joshua San Juan
During World War 2, Japan occupied the Philippines from around 1941 to 1945. It first started with a major bombing on American forces in the Philippines, merely several hours after the devastating attack on Pearl Harbour. Then over the course of the remainder of the occupation and by extension the war, bombing runs across the Philippines became a regular occurrence and done to try to take out any American forces. During all of this undoubtedly many died, many families were impacted heavily, and among them was mine, plenty of years before my parents were even born. To the point this is from word of mouth and passed down to me to write today.
***
It was a Sunday afternoon when my mother told me about it, she was standing near our TV watching an old interview of Gloria Romero. She passed away a few years ago and my mother told me Gloria Romero was my Lola’s (grandmother) favourite actress, and from finding out about her death my mother decided to look back on some interviews and reminiscence. As I stand next to her, I decide to ask her to tell me more about Lola, as I never got to hear all the stories, or I didn’t really remember them all that well. She then told me the story of how Juanito was lost and how much of the family have regrets relating to him.
***
Our family at the time mainly consisted of Annastacia (My great grandmother), and her 10 children, including: Eutiquettes, Anastacio, my Lola Catalina who was the youngest, and the second youngest Juanito.
Although the most well-known bombing was on December 8, 1941, a few hours after the attack on Pearl Harbour, there were many smaller interval bombings on cities in the Philippines, including some bombings runs that were targeting Manila when Juanito and Annastacia were staying at a relative’s house in Tarlac city, while the other children and husband were staying back at home in Manila. Praying for the best and Fearing for the worst, Annastacia decided to run all the way back herself to Manila to find her children.
No one knows what she had to endure, what exact route she even took, and exactly how long it took for her to reach Manila. But to put it in perspective of how far she had to go, according to google maps the distance between those two cities is 119 kilometres to 130 kilometres. By car it would take two hours, if by foot 27 hours, by transit around three and a half hours, but that’s if she was there traveling today. According to my family it would take five to six hours to make the trip back then. Annastacia made it alternating between bus rides, carabao (water buffalo), and going on foot. After she made it to them and reunited, and then together had to make a similar trip back to Tarlac and back to their relative’s house, only to find someone missing and hear a devastating piece of news.
During Annastacia’s dangerous trip Juanito went with a set of American soldiers passing through that were headed for Manila.
***
As those words left my mother’s lips, with that sentence alone, I could feel and picture the emotions that washed over Annastacia’s tired face. The fear that set in her mind, how her heart must have sunk, and the regret and guilt she must have felt for not being there to stop him from following those soldiers. After everything, narrowly avoiding death essentially running through into the eye of a storm and out with her children, thinking the worst was over, only to have one of them disappear trying to follow you. I could only imagine how a mother like her could have felt. And then there’s his siblings, who after escaping unknown certainty of survival must at such a young age face the reality of not knowing if her older was dead or alive. Especially for Catalina my Lola, Juanito was her older brother.
No-one knows how long they searched or to what they extent they search for him given the war and occupation still raged on after that incident. Then there’s also the limited resources they had at their disposal, not much money to afford a full search party and keep themselves afloat. But we do know that at some point they couldn’t continue and the only clue they had was the fact that he was last seen at Quezon Memorial Circle. Ever since, Juanito has considered long gone.
The following silence after my mother told me made this moment feel less like a story to be told on the couch and more of a practice speech for an upcoming funeral or memorial. I have already heard this story a few times, in passing from my titas (aunts) and titos (uncles), along with the Anastacio died after trying to help someone. But I never got the whole picture of the events back then. Every time I was told about Juanito’s disappearance or when I try to remember, it sounded more like a cautionary tale.
“Yeah, Lola’s younger brother got lost following American soldiers” is the most I knew back then. I always imagined it like fable with a geese or duck families, walking in order and then one wanders off. But now given the details, the scene is more of a tragedy in a warzone, trying to search in the chaos while simultaneously trying to escape. I also would a imagine if I were in the family’s shoes I’d search farther and wider, I would have checked all the Philippines, all of the United States and maybe even all of Japan. Or if I were Juanito never leave with those soldiers in the first place. The flaw of my imagined plan being it’s coming from the naïve mind of a guy in Scarbrough during peaceful times, unlike during a war and occupation.
For Juanito I could only imagine he was scared an anxious during those moments. His siblings and father are somewhere that’s being bombed, and his mother is trying to rescue them herself, with no weapon, using available transportation to go in and out. Following the clearest path that could take him to his family. Then there’s the regret after following the soldiers and leading into distant and up-close sounds of death and gunfire, with no guarantee of rest, shelter, food, or safety from tagging along. if he somehow made out alive, he would still have the regret of leaving his family behind or not knowing if they were all safe. For all we know he thinks were dead too and he’s the last of our family.
In retrospect I had those thoughts because I was young and I don’t blame them for not elaborating, I understand that when I asked back then no one was ready to unpack it or elaborate on it. This conversation is a sign at least for my mother that they are willing to open these vulnerable parts of their lives and their history. For example, it was only after that conversation with my mother that I ever learned that the boy’s name was Juanito.
***
My mother continued, fast forwarding to 2010. I remember during that time I was still in the single digits, didn’t know any of the stories yet, Lola was around 80 years old, and she usually had to use a wheelchair to get around that wasn’t the house. And by then she was the last living sibling of her time. Eutiquettes passed peacefully in Seattle, Anastacio died after a bomb hit a hospital later in the war.
“Lola felt lonely watching Jessica Soho” my mother mentioned. It’s a still going in the Philippines on TV and YouTube called Jessica Soho named after the host. She covers news and public affairs in the Philippines, including highlighting lost family members reuniting, like when she showed a child that was kidnapped and brought to America finally reunited with his birth pinoy parents. I understand why that show would Lola feel lonely, being the last of a generation, most of who you know being long gone, no peers to hold to and share stories. To lessen the pain and regret of losing Juanito by being with her, or at least knowing he lived a full and good life. It did not help she was a traveler at heart like her mother Annastacia, or so I was told. If it weren’t for the stresses of life and family, she could have searched for him around the world while enjoying her journey, even if she never found him in the end of it, she wouldn’t have regretted trying.
“I wish I wasn’t alone anymore” she said. Lola wanted my mom and the rest of the family to try to find Juanito, to continue the search. Possibly start from Quezon circle and ask around to see if anyone knew Juanito or maybe find a descendant of his. Or maybe go for a bigger scale for the search given how much time has passed. By then we had our family spread across the Philippines and the whole world, we had some family in Hong Kong, New Zealand, USA and with me and my parents in Canada.
“But with me and my sisters were focused on other things like, raising you and the other kids, balancing finances for ourselves and for the family as a whole” my mother told me. She never said that to Lola, but said she said that was on her mind when she was told. That and the fact it had been almost 70 years since he was lost, admittedly many of them felt trying to find Juanito would be hopeless at this point.
But that would change in 2022 and 2023 when Lola Catalina passed away after a few months of being bedridden and with the family tried almost everything to keep her alive. When I look back at that time, things get a bit foggy and choppy, I remember just staring at my laptop after hearing the news, how I wished I was there to say something to her before she passed. It happened during the semester which I was trying to focus on, so I could not visit to mourn with them until I had a break or enough free time. And now in retrospect I question if she was still lonely during her last moments even though she was surrounded by her children and grandchildren. Soon afterwards we got a chance to visit the Philippines after my exams. Me, my mother and a handful of relatives went to St Therese Columbarium to visit her memorial. Where funerary urns were placed behind walls divided into a modular gird, with the names of the deceased were engraved on to said walls. I remember those kids being no less then even years old.
I regret the chance to not know the whole story of Juanito until now, I could have asked her more about more details about all of what during that time in World War 2, whether to console her trauma or just to know her better.
“I regret not doing much of anything about Juanito before she passed away. I could have done something to try to reunite them” my mother continued. After Lola’s death, a desire grew in her to try and find Juanito or at least what happened to him after he disappeared, whether it was to solve the family mystery or for closure.
A wandering thought that was shared by my mother that really showed to me how long she contemplated this whole situation for the past few years. “If that whole thing happened today, or they had our current technology, they could have found him.”. Our technology and services like Ancestry, social media could have searched and found Juanito soon after they heard he disappeared, and Lola could have been less alone later.
“Although were many missed opportunities for everyone to try to find Juanito” she continued. She then mentions how Eutiquettes had the most opportunities to try to find Juanito, given his connections to the military and during the war he was stationed in many different outposts. But that’s if he had free time to try to search and wasn’t busy with training, or trying to stay alive, or trying to get rid of the enemy. It made me wonder if Juanito was on his mind when he joined the military, whether it be finding him or avenging him. my mom then also brough yup how Annastacia went to the US once, but didn’t stay too long given the weather.
After everything, another silence falls across my house, my mother now drifting off and staring out the window. I then walked in front of the TV and wrapped my arms around my mother, letting her head rest on my shoulder. Up until then she’s only relied on word of mouth to keep the memory and regrets alive, I knew that it was up to me and the next generation to keep these stories alive. To honor the memory of those who came before us like my Lola, and to share their struggles, their pain, and their regrets. And maybe we will be able to find the answers that eluded us for so long.
